The days of competing are over. There are a number of reasons why I did compete in strength sports. The number one reason was to fill some type of void in my life to prove that I was capable of doing something with a disease. That’s in fact how this Breaking Diabetes idea started. I have learned a lot of lessons through strength sports. Some good, some bad.
A few years ago, I was shooting for a 600 pound deadlift. Once I achieved deadlifting over 600, my eyes were set on 650. The hunger for more was and is still there. I was expecting some type of great feeling from accomplishing my goal. Instead, I went back to the drawing board and tried to figure out the best and quickest route for more weight on the bar. Being content and okay with results are things that I struggle with. Lifting makes me different than others. I own it. I put in the work and the results are there.
When I first started lifting, it was to become stronger and faster for sports in high school. I was bit by the iron bug. I loved it. My off season training put me into a great position and set me apart from my peers and opponents. I became more confident, physically stronger and saw how my efforts paid off on the field or court. Seeing how my strength and conditioning improved my play was huge. I wasn’t the most gifted with athletics, but I always tried to work my hardest. I was at home on the football field. Something about being in the pads and looking across the line of scrimmage at the opponent fueled me. I could take out all my frustrations and anger.
At 38, the body is starting to tell me that it no longer wants to push as it once did. I have struggled with this for the last few years. I decide to give it a run and then I change my mind. The inner conflict has overflowed. It is time to face the fact that I have nothing to prove physically. My kids don’t care and my wife is fed up with seeing me flip flopping. I can’t blame her and I agree with her.
To quote Dr. Kashey, “What does it matter what fat bald guys in a parking lot think?” He mentioned this to me as I mentioned how I was torn with what to do competition wise. Some of the Relentless Dietetics team have had some great advice for me. I appreciate their advice and am very thankful for them calling me out. Being honest with myself with all of this has been an interesting ride. Without training, I am not really sure who I am. Training has been such a huge part of my life that on days off I am lost. The truth is, my strength numbers are nothing special and do not define me.
So what is the next step? What’s the goal?
This last summer, I trained to just train. I felt great. I didn’t care how strong I was and didn’t even think about competing. My goal is to get back to that feeling. It is time to train for aesthetics and overall health and wellness. I want to be mobile, conditioned and have my fitness enhance my life rather than take away from it. The biggest hurdle I see is that I will start to feel great and want to push the body again.